La Jornada de Ecuador

Christmas, New Years, and Much Much More ( December 10-January 28)

2009-01-28T20:00:00.000-08:00

Penipe
The 20th and 21st of December, I went to Penipe with the solidarity group from my school. Since November, we had been collecting food, clothing, toys and candy to give to the people of Penipe. Two years ago, the volcano Tunguraguah erupted on their pueblo, destroying the trees and plants they used for survival, their houses and schools, and the bridge that allowed them to cross the river to sell their goods. They lost everything, but continued to try and live in the area. This year, the trees started bearing fruit again, and the first thing these people did when we arrived was take all the fruit off the trees and offer it to us. They said they felt bad about not being able to give us more, when in fact, they had given us all they had. It reminded me of the Biblical story of the woman who gave her last 2 pennies.
We handed out all we had brought, and there ended up being enough to give every person two full outfits, a pair of shoes, and more than enough toys and candy for the few children of the pueblo. I'm not sure how the food got divided, but we had definitely collected a lot to give them. By the end, our clothes were covered in ash from the volcano. It's predicted to erupt again fairly soon. It's so close to this pueblo, we could feel the vibrations and thunders.
As we left, one lady was hysterical with tears telling us how grateful she was. She told us her husband had died a few years back and how she felt as though we were her family, even though she didn't have one. I listened and cried with her. It was a beautiful experience.

The night before, we stayed in a convent in Riobamba. We crammed 5 girls into a room made for 2, pulling mattresses from other rooms and putting them on the floor. It was my first sleepover since I've been here, and I can't tell you how wonderful it was. We told scary stories and laughed until we couldn't breathe. One girl actually told us not to wake her up in the morning if she looked a certain way because sometimes, if she concentrated really hard while she was sleeping (is that even possible?) her spirit would leave her body. And if you woke her while her spirit was out of her body, she would die. I started laughing. I thought it was a joke. But get this-- the other girls were completely serious and sat there staring at me. "It happens, Heidi. It's not funny." They also believe if you go from a hot place to a cold place too quick, that your jaw twists sideways in your head. haha.
In the morning, we had a beautiful view of the tallest active volcano in the world, Chimborazo. The skies are hardly ever clear at that altitude, but that morning there wasn't a cloud in sight. It was incredibly majestic. A true symbol of the grandeur, immensity, and beauty of our God.

Christmas
The days leading up to Christmas were weird. Nothing felt like Christmas. The weather was the same as when I arrived in August, the house didn't smell like pine and cookies, nor was it toasty inside (we don't have a heater). There were no Silver Dollar City lights or aromas of wassail and smores, no random trips to the mall, no Christmas songs... it just wasn't...
...Christmas.
Which actually made it easier for me. Because nothing felt like what Christmas normally does for me, it was like it never happened, and I wasn't missing anything. There was hardly anything to remind me of what it's like at home, so I felt as though I were just celebrating some new, uniquely Ecuadorian holiday.
I ended up having Christmas 4 times. The first was on Christmas eve, at my Aunt Demaris' house. We ate a big turkey dinner, something like you would see at Thanksgiving in the States. We also had a small musical performance from those who could play an instrument.

Click for more!

The second Christmas was Christmas day, spent in the South with the grandparents on my dad's side. Everyone was there. There were probably 35 of us in all-- cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and immediate family. Instead of trying to get a present for every one, we did "amigo secreto," or secret friend. Before Christmas, we drew names from a hat and got that person a gift. On Christmas, after the second big turkey dinner, we had to describe our amigo secreto until someone guessed who it was; then we exchanged gifts. It was fun. I knitted a hat for my amigo secreto lol. Afterwards, we drove up to the Panecillo to look at the big nativity light scene. It was beautiful, but completely foggy, therefore blocking the excellent view of the city from the top of the hill.

Click the pic for more!

My third Christmas was at Sebas' house. His whole church was there, and we had a sort of Bible study and then another--big turkey dinner. We drove up to panecillo again that night, but it was just as foggy as it had been the night before. Still fun though. My fourth Christmas was that Sunday, the day my Aunt Pauli and American Uncle Steve got back in town from Mexico. We spent it at my grandma's house on my moms side, and once again, everyone was there. Another big turkey dinner, another amigo secreto exchange, and another knitted hat.

Probably the biggest difference between Christmas here and in the states, is that in the States, Christmas is pretty much all about presents. Whether you want to admit it or not, even when its just you and your best friend, its "what kind of cool gift can I get him/her?" like we show our love and appreciation for each other by presents at christmastime. Here, however, all that matters is that the whole family is together eating a big turkey dinner. Period.
... I think I like Christmas here better (culturally speaking, anyways. I still miss my Silver Dollar City Christmas lights : )

Paseo de las Lagunas (Lake trip)
A little after Christmas, my unlce Vicente and my family took me on a trip to visit a few lakes in Ecuador. The first was called Mojanda, which is in a crater at the top of a mountain. Coming up over the peek, we got a glimpse of the view below us, and it looked like an ocean. It was huge. We drove down into the crater and stopped for a bit to get our feet wet. The water was ice cold, but worth it. And the view was spectacular!

The second lake we went to was Languacocha, which means "bloody lake" in Quechua. Apparently, a war took place on the mountain surrounding the lake, and all the blood and dead people rolled down the mountain into the lake. Appetizing, I know. We took a short boat ride, thought seriously about pushing each other in to meet those dead war heros, and then headed for Lake San Pablo.

We slept the whole ride to San Pablo, meaning when we arrived, we had energy to do nothing but sit and admire. It was cloudy and all was gray, so we only stayed about 10 minutes before heading back home.

Click any of the lake pics for more!

New Years in Shell
New years in Ecuador is really funny. Okay, so the tradition is that every house or family has an "old man" that died, leaving a widow behind. The widow (men dressed up like sexy women) goes out in the street, asking for money from every car or man that goes by. Sometimes, they dance as well--it's hysterical. At the end of the night, they use the money to buy alcohol and get drunk. ha. The "old man" is a more or less life-sized doll set up in front of every house with a sign that says the things the families are hoping for in the coming year. At midnight they burn the doll and the sign, symbolizing that they're leaving the past behind them and moving foward.

We went to Shell to spend the New Year with my missionary aunt, uncle, and cousins. If you haven't read my other posts, Shell is in the jungle. Unfortunately, I got bit by a lot of insects and had to take a benedryl new years eve. I was so drowsy, it took everything in me to stay awake until midnight -- literally holding my eyes open. My mom was in a random dancing mood all day, and of course midnight was when she wanted to dance the most. They were making dance trains and being loud and crazy and fun...while I was falling over in a drowsy stupor. I tried to write some new years resolutions during all of this, which I looked over the next day. Almost every thing I wrote down came back to seeking God. So my 2009 resolution? Seek Him.

Earlier that night, we went into town to see all of the widows and old man displays. It started out fun, but then I asked Emi if she wanted to go on a trip to Banos with me the next day, and she told me no. I asked her why and she said it was because she knew I would exclude her.... then I was sad... she said I had done that on another occasion when we were with Sebas and our neighbor at a movie. But that was the first of second week I was here, and I didn't know Sebas or Emi yet, let alone know how to include them both, especially not in Spanish. I don't know if I've recovered from that comment yet...

While in Shell, I talked with a pilot from Mission Aviation Fellowship. I wanted to know what kind of certification is required to work for the organization, but we got to talking about what he does day to day, how he likes his job, and basically just what his life is like as a missionary pilot. As we talked, I can't really describe it, but I felt this supposed "passion" to be a pilot lift from me. it was like everything he was saying was negating the things I actually want to do with my life. I can't tell you how wonderful it was to walk out of there, leaving my "dream" behind, and starting to look to my heart for where my passions lie.

Click the pic for more photos of New Years

Banos
The city -- not the place women go in groups.

Day after new years, I took a bus to Banos. I've been there 3 times with the fam, but only passing through. We would always see these travel agencies offering group tours to do extreme sports, but my family was never interested in that sort of thing. I, on the other hand, was craving it. So, I planned to meet some friends Friday morning and stay until Saturday afternoon when my parents would be passing through to pick me up. The bus ride there was nothing short of HELL. I did everything I could think of not to vomit. The man sitting next to me reeked of alcohol, and the woman on my other side was vomitting in a bag every few minutes--a bag that did not contain odor. There were crying babies in the front of the bus, and a really bloody-violent movie playing. Halfway there, the bus turned a sharp corner, and an already full bag of vomit that the woman next to me had put in the overhead bin for lack of a trash can -- came flying and hit me in the head. Not to mention I was car sick the whole way there. It was the longest hour and a half of my life. No joke.
I have never appreciated fresh air more than the moment I got off that bus. Found my friends, and headed to our first activity--canyoning. Yeah, I didn't know what it was at first either, but it turns out to be repelling down waterfalls. FREAKING AWESOME! We hiked up a mountain a little bit to get to the beginning of the repelling trail. It was so beautiful. Drizzling, everything dripping with emerald majesty, the sounds of the gushing waterfall getting closer... ahhh ...
I can't really describe going down these waterfalls to you very well, but it was scary at first. We had to try and straddle the waterfalls, and we were in charge of our harnesses and how fast we went down, meaning we also were in charge of whether we lived or died. After we got the inicial waterfall out of the way, it was smooth sailing for the other 6. There were definitely still moments of sheer terror -- like when the waterfall was so powerful that you couldn't avoid being in the middle of it, unable to see anything -- or when I slipped and hit myself against a rock. Haha. Now that I think about it, I actually still have blisters on my hands from canyoning. Totally worth it though : )

click the pic for more of Banos!

After canyoning, we met up with my friend Alejandra's brother who has all of the connections in Banos and knows the cheap places to eat and stay. We went to lunch with him and then went horseback riding. I had imagined we would be riding up mountains the whole time, but we actually rode for a bit and then stopped at the base of a waterfall. Coming up over the hill, sighting this waterfall for the first time -- was something... something incredible. It was huge, beautiful, too perfect to be real. We decided to climb it, which considering the slippery rocks, was probably a bad idea, but nobody got hurt. You could feel the power and strength being so close.

From there, we rode back to the stables. The horses were very competitive, always trying to be the lead horse, which made for some unexpected galloping spurts that scared the crap out of me. But we made it back alive with sore butts.

After dinner, we took a "chiva" (party truck) up a mountain to try and get a view of the lava from the nearby volcano. Unfortunately it was too foggy to see anything, so we just watched a comedy, fire-juggling show. Afterwards, we decided to go out dancing-- which was a blast. A guy taller than me, (super rare in Ecuador) asked me to dance. We danced together for probably an hour, and he ended up being an incredible dancer. At one point, we were dancing salsa, and he dipped me all the way to the floor. I came back up, paused, looked at him, and just said, "...wow," nearly breathless.

The hostal we stayed at was a piece of crap, but at 5$ a night, it was perfect. The next morning, we rode bikes to a bunch of waterfalls. Which was cool, but really painful after the horses the day before. Along the way, there was a bridge that has bungee jumping. Ever since before we got to Banos, I had been saying that I wanted to jump. Ironically, that day, my courage was failing. I stood there watching them set up the equipment with butterflies in my stomach. Was I really going to do this? I looked down at the rushing river below, thinking about all the things I still wanted to do with my life and how I was too young to die...
--And then I decided to jump. Walking up there, putting the harness on, listening to the directions -- all felt fake. I wasn't really going to jump. This was all a big dream I was having. Then I felt like I was going to vomit. The butterflies had reached my mouth... This was happening. I freaked out and asked if there was some easier way to jump off (because normally people dive). He told me I could fall backwards off the bridge, which sounded a little better. So, I crossed over the bridge, holding on to it for dear life until the guy told me I had to put my hands on the harness and lean back as he held on to me. "Ha... haha," I laughed nervously. I put my hands on the harness for a split second and then returned to holding the bridge. The second attempt to hold my harness ended with me holding on to the guy. He was like, "breathe... breathe ... chill." So I tried my best to slow my breathing... slowly put my hands on the harness... "3...2..." "AH!" I grabbed him again lol. I was about to freaking die!!! What was I doing?! My life--everything down the drain in a second. "Heidi! You have got to breathe." *GASP* -- *shallow breathing* -- "Okay, okay, okay." "I'll count from 5 this time alright?" I nodded, unassuredly. "You have to try and breathe, seriously." Another unsure nod. I closed my eyes, thought about breathing deeply, .... 5...4...3...2...
... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*jolt* My legs flipped over my head as I swung back and forth over the river. The first thought that went through my head was, "That jerk pushed me on 2!" The second was, "OMG, I'm alive." And the third was, "Freaking A! That was amazing!!" The adrenaline rush was like nothing I have ever felt. I was shaking and breathing super shallowly, but with a little bit of peace this time.
Next trip -- I'm diving!!

My Fall
After Video

We got back on our bikes and rode until it started raining, and then took a tour of what I think is the biggest waterfall in Banos. That was a big waterfall. We ate lunch and then hired a truck to take us and our bikes back into town where I was supposed to meet my parents. They were late though, so we went rock climbing for a bit. The ride home to Quito was just reliving the weekend in my mind over and over again... and what an incredible weekend it was.

Basilica
La Basilica is a huge cathedral in downtown Quito. You can climb to the very top of the towers if you pay -- but it is so worth it. I went with my American buddy, Matt, and we climbed up the rickety staircase and ladders to the top. We sat up there quite awhile. The view was beautiful.
We had great pictures, but all on his camera that got stolen for the second time. Poor Matt : (
Afterwards, we went to a park that had a river running through it and took a paddle boat around. I'm pretty sure the first 5 minutes we were in the boat, everyone was laughing at the stupid gringos. We couldn't get the boat to go where we wanted and kept running into things and other boats and going in circles. haha. We eventually figured it out and made it around the river. It was sunset : )

Earlier that day, I went to the planetarium with my dad and Emi. Of the 45 minute show, 20 minutes were just stars against a black sky, moving very slowly to classical music. I almost fell asleep it was so relaxing. The planetariums are definitely cooler in the States, but it was fun to spend time with my family.

ORU Essay
For about a month, I was working on an essay to get a scholarship at ORU. I wrote about abandoned children in Ecuador and learned so much while researching it. I interviewed orphanages and child police and maternity wards at hospitals... the reality is disheartening. During one of my interviews, I actually saw the president of Ecuador. He was standing on top of his palace, watching the change of the guard. Apparently he's there every Monday for the changing of the guard. Pretty sweet if you ask me. I mean, when do we get to see our president? NEVER. Anyways...
Unfortunately, haha, (and this would only happen to me) Ecuador had a nationwide power outage the day I was supposed to turn in the essay, leaving me without a way to send in my information. I talked with the guys in charge though, and they said it would be fine to turn it in a day late. We had a nice candle-light dinner in the meantime : ) Pray for favor!
If you want to read the essay, click here.

Papallacta
After church a couple of weekends ago, some chicos from the 20 somethings group went to Papallacta for the day. On the way there, we stopped a few times. The first was at a bridge where you could bungee jump or glide over a river. A few did the gliding, but it was too expensive for me. The seond stop, we climbed a mini waterfall, and the third was a lake. It was completely still--like glass. Really peaceful. Unfortunately, I was with boys who, instead of standing there in awe and silence were throwing rocks into it and saying they wanted to water ski. Our destination, the hot springs of Papallacta, was so relaxing. It was like a resort with a bunch of different pools of different temperatures. There was also an ice cold river running through the resort, to which we stupidly entered after being in the hottest pool for awhile. My body was not happy with me. Later, we met some people who have connections in the Galapagos and said they would help us get all the cheap prices when we go in April. God loves us : ) We stayed for a good 8 hours and then finally left to eat something and head home.
It was a thoroughly relaxing chill day : )

Family
Hm. I don't even know. Stuff sucks with Emi right now. She ignores me when I talk to her, treats me like she doesn't want me in her house, gives me horrible looks... it's like I don't exist to her or that she doesn't want me to. We were so great for awhile. Like real sisters. She would tell me what was up with her and visa versa and we would cook together and make fun of each other and dance around the house... I ... I don't know what happened. To my knowledge, I've done nothing to cause the drastic change. So I'm just confused.

My mom always gets mad at me when I get home after 8 O'clock now. I always tell her when I'm coming home, who I'm with, what we're doing, and am almost always dropped off in a car. She insists that it's about my security, but I'm always in a safe situation and let her know that. So I don't understand her either.

All's well with me and my dad : )

Oh. And I'm not changing families. Which is actually a good thing because apparently the family I was moving to never let's their kids leave the house. My mom may be worried all the time, but at least she lets me leave!

Church
I've been getting super involved lately with the 20 somethings group. It's good to have community again. God is so good.

Haha...um... : ) Last Tuesday was my friend Matt's last night here. We saw each other at the church that night and said our goodbyes... or so I thought. Left the church, went home, took a shower, sat at the computer upstairs with my mom for a minute--when the house phone rang--at 11 at night! My mom looked at me and said with a super confused look on her face, "The guard says Matteo is downstairs?" I panicked lol. I still had mascara all over my face from the shower and was wearing embarrassing pjs, so I ran downstairs to change and wipe my face off. While in the bathroom, I could hear my mom yelling down at Matt, "It's way too late to be here!! You need to leave--NOW!!" I'm standing there thinking, "No! Poor guy!" So I ran down in my pjs with my stained face to stop my mom. As soon as I showed up-- he starts singing. Now -- you have to understand that I live in an elevated neighborhood. Street level is the garage, so we live above that. He's on the street level, and I'm up looking down at him. It's a total Romeo and Juliet moment. He starts singing his song, flowers in hand. There was a fairly large group from my church there with him, hiding to where I couldn't see them, but helping him sing. He finishes, and then is like, "Wait, I have a better song." So he starts to sing this hopelessly romantic song--I don't even remember what about-- but solo this time. He stopped and said, "I didn't get to tell you 90% of what I wanted to say to you earlier, so I'm here to say it." I stood up there and listened to him until it seemed like the appropriate moment to go down--only at this point my mom leaving us in peace. She told me I had 5 minutes. haha.
I ran down and gave him a big hug as he continued to tell me his 90%. The group from the church was just standing there, watching us with 'oos' and 'awes.' So embarrassing. They started chanting, "Kiss him, kiss him!" but stopped upon my motioning that I was going to kill them. It was so sweet of him! Just the kind of romantic thing I've always wanted to happen to me : )

A few Thursdays ago, we had this really great girls Bible study where we all felt like crap and decided to just pray the whole time. I'm pretty sure everyone ended up bawling. We got really close that night as we spilled our hearts to each other. It was beautiful.

School
Right before we got out of school for Christmas vacations, I started helping with the kindergartners in the middle of my school day. Before the teacher even introduced me to the kids, they surrounded me, giving me hugs and kisses and telling me they loved me. We do lots of crafts and learn English, music and religion. When they have snack time, everyone insists upon sharing their food with me. They're trusting and loving and sharing without question and without pretense... completely unlike the children at the orphanage. The kids at the orphanage have to gain trust in people and have trouble sharing because they don't have anything that is solely theirs in the first place. They are learning to love, but haven't been given a constant example of love and affection, so it's hard.

UG! I was so frustrated with the head nun at my school. I went in to talk with her about the pension that my Ecuadorian family as to pay for me every month-- 130$. It doesn't seem fair that anyone would have to pay for me, because the pension is supposed to go to pay for the time teachers give us and the credit we recieve from the school at the end of the year. For starters, I'm only in half of my classes. The other half of the time, I'm helping with the kindergartners. I'm not getting credit at the end of the year for any of this, nor am I using my teachers. I don't do homework, I don't take tests, I just sit in class and listen. Not to mention --I'm volunteering at the school. So this is what the nun tells me. "The way I see it, you are learning different things than the other students (well duh). You're learning Spanish (which I'm teaching myself) and experiencing what its like to be in high school in another country. You are learning how to teach kindergarten and have the experience of having good classmates. So really, Heidi, I don't understand why you think you're not learning anything. You're actually learning a lot!"
"Of course I am! I completely agree with you. It's not that I think I'm not learning anything, it's just that the things I'm learning are things that don't cost anything. They are life experiences, that if anything, are giving back to the school."
"Yes," she says, "but you come in a uniform, and you started out like any other student, so you still need to pay."
"Yes, I did start like any other student, and paid at that time; however, my situation has changed, and I am not like any other student now."
"Well, your mother signed a contract at the beginning of the year saying she would pay for the whole year, and thats binding. I'm sorry. We can't break the contract."
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!! All I wanted to do was scream. This was unjust, and she's a nun of all things! ...money hungry nun...
I actually started crying I was so upset. I HATE injustice.

The 6th of January is apparently the day of the three wise men. So 3 tall teachers dressed up like wise men came around to every class to give us suckers... Happy 3 wise men day?

Last week was sociales week. WOOT! SOMOS SOCIALES! SOMOS HERMOSOS! SOMOS LOS FILO, FILO, FILOSOFICOS!! repeat.
In the civic minute minute on Monday when everyone gathers to hear announcements and sing the national anthem, Sociales had a little party. We started chanting and dancing with confetti, silly string, bubbles, spray foam, and balloons. It was just a big mess to make it appear we were having more fun than everyone else. Then we set off a crazy cow lol? which is a firework display. One of the fireworks definitely chased the money-hungry nun around like a crazy cow. I guiltfully laughed at that. Still do. (teehee)
Thursday was the actual day of sociales, so that was supposed to be the big party. But a classmates father died that day. Apparently he had been fighting cancer for a while and it was for the best that he wasn't suffering anymore. We left school and went to the funeral instead of having the party. I never knew him, but I was a wreck at his funeral. Everyone was telling me to stop crying, that I had to be strong for Dani, our classmate. But I couldn't stop. I wasn't strong. All I could do was think about every other funeral I've been to -- and about my family in the States. How were they right now? Were they safe? What would I do if one of them died? I was overcome with an immense longing to see them, all of my missing them subconsciously the past 5 1/2 months come down into one moment. And I was afraid. I was also thinking about how precious Dani is to me and how drastically this would affect her. I couldn't hold it in. I wasn't strong.
We left the funeral and I tried--believe me--my hardest to stop crying-- for Dani. We decided to go ahead and have the party when we got back, which consisted of costumes (of course), a typical Ecuadorian band, a dance, and eating. I was the 'rooster of the cathedral' again. No use in spending money on a costume. The party was ... interesting. It probably could have been a blast, I just wasn't in the mood to party like that.
And I just really don't understand the obsession with costumes.

Blips
Saw Twilight, and all I can say is--I'm in love with a vampire.

My family sent me a package!

I'm allowed to take the bus!!

We got a clothes dryer!!!

I went to a party and stepped in dog poop!!!!

Thoughts
John 15:17-25
Would they surrender their image or their popularity? They would lay down their very lives -- swap seats with the man on death row-- guilty as hell. A throne for an electric chair. -The Vision

But seriously, why faith? Okay, Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen. Love never loses faith. Faith will endure. Spiritual gift of faith- faith to move a mountain (1 Cor. 13:2). Faith as a mustard seed. Shield of faith. ...But if one day all will be clear, why would faith still endure? Because nothing would be unseen or unclear, therefore making faith unnecessary...right? So why?

I am so SICK of the word "peligroso!"

I started my new years resolution. It's changing my life.

The other exchange student at my school taught me something the other day. I wondered at how he had so many friends and seemed so chill with being stupid around them. Then I realized, he's actually just being himself. Like deep, true self. The one he would show to his best friend. Wait, why was this so revolutionary? Duh. If the people I like to be with most are the ones completely open to me, wouldn't I want to be that for other people? He's acting like these people are already his best friends and therefore has a ton of them. Rocket science, right? But why do humans put up walls like I did? Why do we wait to show who we are until we're positive this person will accept us, love us. We're afraid of who we are. That the world will not like our truest self. That if they reject us, at least it's just our shell and our facade they're rejecting and not us. But that's it. Of course they're going to reject it. It's not even us. People want to be friends with real people. People who make mistakes and be stupid and tell jokes that don't make sense. When does a friendship start to grow deeper? When someone confides. When someone's vulnerable and it's accepted well.

Why is everything not as impressive to me as it used to be? Is it because I've gotten used to everything being exciting and adventurous all the time, or so often? Is it because I have no time to anticipate it or because I'm not taking in the little things because everything is so big? Like being in the jungle in South America, for example, but only being able to think about how the mountains look the same as they did in Colorado, that everything is just really green and that the mosquitos are annoying. And feeling like this when I used to look at pictures of the jungle in my history books in elementary and think about how cool it would be to go there one day and be like an Indian. But you know what? I think I'm just not acting like I did when I was at fusion anymore, when everything fantacized me. Like when I first got here. ...hmm

Now. Now is what matters. There is no ordinary moment. Every moment is extraordinary. It's whether you choose to acknowledge it for what it is or not. Be all here. Now.

I need to empty my head of all the crap that constantly fills it up. No wonder I couldn't enjoy nature. I wasn't even thinking about it. I was just looking at it. Not in the moment, but somehow thinking I was. Almost completely unaware of things going on around me, and totally consumed with what was going on in my head. I need to learn how to focus my thoughts, how to meditate, how to be still. How to empty my head and be all here, in every moment I live. And therefore truly living. Living with passion and peace and constancy and courage and pure, all-there love. Giving every person I'm with my full and uninterrupted attention.

When I found out I wan't changing families, I was initially disappointed. Not because I don't like or am having problems with them, just because I had realized I was too comfortable. I had gotten so comfortable that I didn't rely on God for what I need because it's all here and provided for me. My comfortableness had led to stagnance. I want to be challenged and uncomfortable and growing in trust. And I just wasn't. Things were too easy. I wanted to HAVE to rely on Him. It's part of the reason I came.
I got a different perspective on the being comfortable thought when I talked with my friend Mike about it. He mentioned that the same thing had happened to him being here. He thought he would be in a tiny cell, living and working in an orphanage, getting to read his bible al lthe time. But he ended up in a big apartment, living with a bunch of other guys going out every night. At one point, his parents came to visit and stayed in a hostal. He said when he walked into the hostal, he was amazed at how nice is was. But his parents couldn't handle it for more than 1 night and switched to the Holiday Inn. From there he realized that the point isn't being uncomfortable. It's being comfortable in uncomfortable situations. It's about adapting. Being content in every situation you find yourself in.
"Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to get along happily whether I have much or little. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have larned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything with the help of Christ who give me the strength I need." - Philippians 4:11-13
It's about not being spiritually comfortable.

If I only had 30 days to live-- I wouldn't travel. I wouldn't do anything but spend it with the people I love

November 23 - December 9

2008-12-10T19:22:00.000-08:00

Cotopaxi
Two weeks ago, we went to the second tallest active volcano in the world--and climbed it.
Yeah... I was proud.
The coolest thing though, was that I was really able to enjoy it, to soak in the sheer beauty surrounding me and truly admire this feat of God's creation. I mentioned in an earlier post that I was having trouble enjoying nature, but this day was very different. I was meditating on the verse I last posted--about not worrying about anything, but instead praying about everything. And as we climbed higher and higher up the volcano and into the fog, I felt the most incredible peace come over me. The thin, cold air, the lack of any sound but the wind against the rocks and my own heavy breathing... not worrying about anything. It was like I knew in that moment I was completely taken care of and everything was as it should be.
It was pure.

Click the Pic

Thanksgiving
I contemplated cooking Thanksgiving dinner for my family since they don't celebrate it here. But knowing my cooking skills and how different cooking is in Ecuador, I knew it wasn't going to turn out the same. Nevertheless, I attempted... with a lot of help from my mom and aunt. Nothing comes in a box or a can here. Nothing is premade. And nothing is pasteurized or clean. Even just to make a salad, I had to wash and disinfect all the fruits and vegetables, which let me tell you is no easy "rinse with water" process. We ended up with chicken and stuffing, salad, fruit salad, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes and gravy, pumpkin pie, and rice--you can't have a meal in Ecuador without rice.
It actually all tasted pretty good--thanks to my mom and aunt. Before we ate, I shared a little bit about the first Thanksgiving and some of the traditions we have. One tradition I had heard of and thought was cool was to go around the table and say what you're thankful for. So we did-- all 14 of us. And when we got to Emi, she started crying and saying how she was thankful for everyone there ... and everyone that wasn't there--referring to her brother.
Understandable. Completely understandable. But I felt sad and started crying too. I felt like I must not be a suffient enough sibling for her and that I had failed in that respect. Although after some encouragement from Kim, I realized that she's going to miss her brother whether or not I'm a good sibling. (Thanks Kim : ) )

Keilah's Birthday
Two days after Thanksgiving was my cousin Keilah's birthday. We went to High School Musical 3, which was surprisingly good. All through the movie, Keilah was saying things to me like, "This is a movie theatre, Heidi. People come here to watch movies on a big TV!" And then about half way through the movie, she asks me, "Heidi, do you like it? It's High School Musical 3!" I laughed. Really? That's what we were watching?
She's cute.
Afterwards, we went back to the house for shishkabobs and hotdogs, and I ended up having an interesting conversation with my uncle Vicente. It started with him inviting me to go on a trip to visit some lakes, but I was already planning on helping at the dump in Zambiza (a city here). Immediately, he told me, "You don't want to do that. It's sad."
"...That's the point," I said.
"What, to be sad? You want to be sad?"
"No. The point is that this sadness is a reality for the people who live there. I can't pretend like it doesn't exist just because it's sad to think about."
"But you're not going to make a difference, Heidi. You can't do anything in 1 day."
"If I can bring a smile to the face of 1 child for even a moment, I will have made a difference in the life of that child."
"Well, why don't you do stuff like that all the time or in Tulsa?" he asked me very accusedly.
"Well, I do."
"Oh yeah? How?"
I went on to explain to him some of the things I do to help out, the whole time him criticizing me for it. "You can't make a difference, Heidi. Did those people even ask for your help? Maybe they didn't want it!" Then he tells me that my only job in life is to make sure that I am happy. That happiness is the point of life. I told him I didn't agree, and he left the room.
Very mature.
I'm pretty sure God didn't create us and then place us in a world that we turned to crap, all to be happy. Not saying God doesn't want you to be joyful and happy, just that I don't think it's the point.
I talked to him again a little later. He acted like we never had the conversation. ha.

Fiestas de Quito!
That weekend started a week and a half of fiestas in Quito to celebrate its foundation. We had off of school for almost 2 weeks! All over the city, there were "chivas," (two decker trucks with people crammed on them dancing and drinking and playing music) cultural things going on in the centro historico, art displays, concerts, typical food fairs, bull fights, card championships, and neighborhood parties. It all looked fun, although I didn't get to do a whole lot of it. Sebas and I went to some museums and art displays, and the family and I went to a typical dessert fair and a Christmas concert. Both very fun.

Sebas' birthday fell during the fiestas, and he had to play a concert at the conservatory that day. So I went to watch him play, and the conservatory happened to be having fiestas as well. There were games of soccer, volleyball, ping pong, cards, and typical food. It was a fun, outdoor concert, and we had planned to go to a restaurant with a fabulous view later in the evening, but when we called to ask my mom if it was alright, she sounded mad at us. So we went to the restaurant early, when the view wasn't as cool, so that we could be home early to appease my mom. But we couldn't enjoy ourselves. The whole time we were worried about what my mom was thinking and why she would be mad at us. So really, even going in the first place was a waste. Because it wasn't fun. Sebas looked so down the whole night, and I felt like I had ruined his birthday. It wasn't just this night either. Almost every time we would leave the house or ask permission to go somewhere, my mom would respond like, "...I guess if you insist on leaving. But it's dangerous! Be very very careful," and would say it with a face of disgust or anger.
Sebas left that night fairly sad, and I went up to my room and started crying. It was an accumulation of a lot of things, but mainly, I just didn't understand why my mom would be mad at us, and why Sebas' birthday had to be ruined for it. My mom came in, thinking I was on SKYPE with Jessica (it was her birthday too) and found me crying. I tried to cover it up, but then she asked me if I was alright, and I couldn't hold it in.
"What's wrong, Heidi!? What happened?"
Through the tears, I told her why I was upset and that Sebas and I had thought she was angry with us and therefore couldn't enjoy ourselves when we went out. She felt horrible. Which made me feel horrible for making her feel horrible. Which just sucked all around.
She told me she had never been mad at us, and that sometimes, she just wears the face of her work or of her studies and that that's not always a face of happiness. She said I had a lot of freedom, but that if I wanted, she would give me more.
WOOT! I got really excited inside,
but that wasn't the point of the conversation, so I told her that freedom wasn't the problem, and that I was just afraid she was angry with us.
It all came down to miscommunication and misinterpretation.
Imagine that.
So the liberty situation has been really good since then. I ask if I can go places with confidence, and she is more careful of the way she responds--and always says yes!

Oh communication.

Praise God.

Zambiza
A few days later, Extreme Response Missions put on a Christmas party for the people who live at the dump in Zambiza. (The place I couldn't make a difference) It was INCREDIBLE! There was a line of about 3,000 people to come in and play carnival games, get their faces painted, take a picture with Santa, do crafts, dance, watch dramas, and get a hot meal and groceries for a week! Before the people came in, some kids sat on the other side of the fence watching us get everything set up, so I went and talked to them. I can't tell you how incredible it is to be able to talk to children in Spanish. We talked about school--which half of them weren't in-- about their lives and the families they did or didn't have. They told me they would come find me and play the game I was in charge of once they had gotten in, and about 30 minutes later, 5 kids with the biggest smiles were standing in line to play my game. They didn't have any candy yet, meaning they had skipped everything else and come directly to my game. I felt special : )
There were 6 other people manning our game of ring toss, so I figured it would be okay to leave and hang out with the kids. It was a beautiful day spent loving God through his children : )

That was December 6th, the actual day of Quito's foundation, so the parties and fireworks were all over the place. Though after Zambiza, the fam and I spent the day playing Rummy Q. lol
It was actually really fun, though. It felt like Christmas vacation in Tulsa, playing cards in pajamas all day : )

Stories
Orphanage
I was helping out at the orphanage the other day, in the house with 2 and 3 year olds. I was in the living room with some children playing dress up, when I heard the faint cry of a child in a room far away. I figured one of the other volunteers would take care of it, so I stayed in the living room. About 5 minutes later, I still heard the cry, only louder, so I went to see what was wrong. I followed the cry to an empty room where I found a little boy sitting on the floor, crying his eyes out.
"What happened, baby?" I asked as I picked him up. He just continued to cry.
"Did you fall down?" I asked.
"*sniffle sniffle* Hu uh (no),"
"Did somebody take your toy?"
"*sniffle sniffle* Hu uh (no),"
"Are you hungry?"
"*sniffle sniffle* Hu uh (no),"
"Do you need to go potty?"
"*sniffle sniffle* Hu uh (no),"
"... Did you just... need somebody?"
"*sniffle sniffle* ... Uh huh (yes)," and he cuddled up in my arms.
"Aw! I'm here baby!"
It was one of the most precious moments I've ever had in my life.

Guitar
A few weeks ago, I asked my guitar teacher why they don't use the general "ABCDEFG" music system here. With animosity, he answered me, "Because we're in South America. Not everything is universal or like the United States." I looked at him with this face of "why the crap would you say that?" It was probably the 3rd or 4th slam he's given me about the U.S. Later I asked him if something bad had happened to him in the States, and he was like, "No. Why do you ask?"
"Because you always say crap about it and give me a hard time!"
"What!? What are you talking about?" he asked me. So I recounted all the things he's said, and he was like, "Oh, crap. You understood me...I'm sorry. I'll watch what I say." haha. Then we talked about the crappy things that are going on in America and the things we both don't agree on. So it ended well : )

Thoughts
To all of you back in the U.S., enjoy your lovely Christmas : ) Don't take for granted that fact that you are spending it with your family or in the way that you're used to--not even the little things. They may mean more to you than you think. It's hard to know what you have until it's taken from you or you from it.

Finally uploaded the Mitad del Mundo pictures!

Click either of the pics

ALL PICS

Pasachoa

2008-11-22T10:02:00.000-08:00

Started last weekend helping out at the orphanage and going to a ballet with my parents (Romeo and Juliet--AH!) and then...
Sebas and I took a road trip to a nature reserve called Pasachoa. It was breathtakingly beautiful. Even some of the most incredible postcards I've bought here couldn't hold up to this. The reserve was basically several hiking trails up the mountain, varying in time required to make it back. I initially opted for the shortest one so we could spend the majority of our time sitting and writing and thinking and praying. But when it only took 15 minutes to make it to the end, we decided to keep going. ....And going ....and going. We contemplated heading back, but then we met some people along the way who told us we would reach a gorgeous view if we went 20 minutes longer. So we kept going... and an hour and a half later? Still no view. Only the view of the abounding forest surrounding us. Which was also nice, but I was frustrated. I was looking forward to the view. On the way back, we took a different path, which was more fun, but almost completely covered in mud. Not sure yet if my shoes will recover. lol We were slipping and sliding and singing and telling the path how we loathed it and wished it would die. It was a blast. We thought we would never make it out. At one point, Sebastian slipped into the splits and couldn't get up. Though did I help him right away? No. I stood there laughing hysterically and taking pictures of him.

More Pics of Pasachoa

On the way home, I rode in the bed of Sebas' truck. It's incredible how different and more real things seem when your watching them in the open air, uncontained, as opposed to through the window of a car.

Thoughts
It's like I'm transported back to Tulsa. For a few hours, I shut my door, turn on my music in English, read facebook messages from people in Tulsa, talk to my family and friends in English on SKYPE, and from there see in the background my house and the places I know so well.
Then I turn off my computer, go to the kitchen for a glass of water, when I pause half-way down the stairs, and realize--this isn't my house. I'm not in Tulsa. I'm still in Ecuador. And in a completely different world than I was a second ago. I have to speak Spanish and call someone else mommy and daddy and sissy. I'm not going to Silver Dollar City in 2 weeks. There will be no Turkey on Thanksgiving. It's not going to snow at Christmas. I can't drive over to Rachel or Katie's and talk the night away about everything and nothing until we fall asleep mid-conversation, too tired from laughing and crying to say anything else. My sister and source of bottomless hugs, isn't across the hall.
It's just not---not...home.
I am here.
And I am happy to be here.
I can't tell you how happy I am to be here.
I have the opportunity to learn a different language, a different culture, to pour into these beautiful people for an entire year, to grow, to rest, to learn about myself and my strengths and my weaknesses, to be a person Ecuador needs, to wholly trust Him for everything and learn to hear His voice...
It's amazing and beautiful--
But it's still not home.

Meditate on this...
A letter from Paul to the Philipian church--
"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for what He has already done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than any human mind can understand. His peace will guard your heart and your mind as you live in Christ Jesus."

More Pics of Ecuador

October 31st--November 9

2008-11-13T19:12:00.000-08:00

Halloween in Shell
We went to shell for Halloween, but they don't celebrate Halloween here--so we celebrated "Dia de las Brujas" or "Dia de los Muertos." The tradition in Ecuador is to eat "wawas de pan" and "colada morada," --bread that looks like babies and purple colada-- IN A CEMETERY --with your dead relatives. Luckily, my parents here agree that this is a demented tradition, so we didn't eat in a cemetery. I love holidays here. The whole family gets together to celebrate and eat incredible food.

One of our days in Shell, we went to the "Casa de Arbol," or "tree house;" although, I've never quite seen one like this....

click the pic

11 freakin' stories tall!! It was sweet. The view from the top was incredible. I felt like I could see the entire jungle.

We also celebrated the birthday of my cousin Kyle-- 2 years! woot!
Carrying him up that tree house was a trip.

One the way home, we stopped to look at all the waterfalls in Banos, and at some point--I lost my ipod. I have NO idea what happened to it. I was listening to it in the car, until we got out to watch a girl bungee jump off a bridge (which I'm planning on for next trip), and when we returned to the car, it wasn't there. Or on the ground. Or anywhere. It was like it disappeared. And their was no sign of a break in.
...I cried.
Mostly because it was a gift.
But then I remembered it's just stuff, and stuff I can live without. I think God is stripping me of my technology so I will spend more time with him and do the things I'm supposed to be doing here. Because the times when I did use my ipod were in the car, when I should be talking with my family, and in the bus to and from school, when I should be talking with my classmates. My ipod was making this more about me..... when it's not about me at all.
And my camera--Well, I think I got so into taking photos, that I forgot to sit back and just soak it in. My 200$ flat iron also stopped working in Shell, but I think that one's a lesson in vanity : )

Because of my recent "losses," I got to know my dad better on the way back from Shell, I made friends on the bus, I stopped isolating, I've been immersing myself in the music culture of Ecuador more, I've been using all my senses as fully as possible when admiring nature, and--well--I still can't say I don't care what my hair looks like, but I'm working on it...actually--I'm not...I'm trying to buy a new flat iron. lol AWESOME, heidi.

Partay
Went to my first party last Saturday night! It was fun. The party was more like a benefit concert for a learning foundation here, and a bunch of bands from my school and my class played. It was a blast to get to dance salsa and meringue and all the tropical dances at a party, as opposed to the type of "dancing" we see so often at parties in the States. I was fairly shocked when all the adults at the party were serving beers and cigarettes to the kids. And these weren't like "chaperone adults", these are their parents (because the party wasn't just for teens).
Another cultural difference ..and a different idea of fun.

Earlier that morning, we had a school function in which we chose the prettiest girl in the school...-- That was the point of the function-- ...--the prettiest girl-- WHAT THE CRAP? I almost flipped out when I found out that was the reason we had to spend 10 bucks on a class t-shirt that doesn't fit, decorate the whole school, make banners, and be at school on a Saturday morning at 8!! ...Poor girls! I mean, how horrible would you feel if you were a candidate for prettiest girl and lost? And guess who chose the winner? The nuns at my school!!! Of all people...
I was pretty upset about the whole thing.

Thoughts
I'm getting my wisdom teeth out.
They don't put you under here.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For awhile, I thought I didn't care what people thought about me...Oh, but I do. And I care a lot. I care about how people view me AND my appearance. And I would say that's okay. After all, I should be conscious of the fact that I'm a representative for Christ here, and therefore constantly trying to reflect Him and His actions... however, sometimes it's not from the heart and my motives are more about me (and trying to appear a nicer person) then about representing Christ. And there are definitely days when I just feel ugly, but instead of acting like I'm still the same person, I act like everyone should treat me differently because of the fact that I don't look as polished... and when they don't treat me differently, I'm surprised.
And that's just plain crap.
Father, change my heart to be more like yours. To plead and weep and feel for the things you do, and to constantly remember this is all about you. To die to myself every moment of every day and not look back. But keep my eyes upward and on the prize of the high calling of Jesus Christ. Help me to remember I am made in your image and that my true value lies in my spirit. I speak against Satan who plants these misconceptions and lies in me and bind him to Hell, in Jesus' name. You have no place in the mind of a daughter of the Most High God. Holy Spirit, replace these lies with truth. Constantly whisper your sweet truths in my ear-- changing my mindset and giving me a pure heart. Thank you for your grace : ) I LOVE YOU!!

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Rotary Presentation

2008-10-30T20:37:00.000-07:00

Presentation
AHHH!!! Found out Monday night that I had a presentation to give to my Rotary club---Wednesday!! 10 minutes--in Spanish--with powerpoint--about my experience as an exchange student and my country. With freaking a day and a half to prepare!! After reading the email, I ran upstairs and asked Emi, "The 29th isn't, this Wednesday, is it?" "Uh...Yeah, yeah it is." I freaked out. I wrote the dang thing in school Tuesday and worked on the powerpoint all night.
Sheesh. Imagine me having to actually do work here. : )
My mom was so sweet and helped me brainstorm ideas and revise what I had written.
My uncle drove me to the Rotary meeting and gave me some of the best advice I've heard in awhile. I told him I was nervous, and he said to me very sincerely, "the answer is love."
"Love?" I thought to myself, "not confidence or something like that?"
"Just love the people you're speaking to," he told me. Then he recounted his days as a college professor and how he used to be nervous before teaching. But then he discovered the secret to "teaching and speeching," as he put it. "Loving the people you're talking to takes away all the nervousness and allows you to talk with your whole heart."
I sat there stunned. Why had I not thought of this before? Duh?!
Love.
So simple, yet so profound.
...And it worked.
The presentation went 10 times better than expected. The 3 people who went before me didn't know very much Spanish, so it made my presentation seem better than it actually was. hehe
I didn't forget any of my words though! And I managed not to be nervous while giving the speech. Everyone applauded and told me how good my Spanish was--little did they know I had basically memorized the speech that was checked and rechecked by my mom and classmates.

Family
Everything is fantastic with my host fam. I'm starting to communicate better with my mom--and I don't mean my Spanish--just plain communication in general. In the States, I never had to communicate what I was planning for my day or what I wanted to do or where I was going. Mostly because I had a car and my mom wasn't worried about me. (Mom, I mean that in a good way : )) And even then, I sucked at communication. I'd be running out the door, literally, and my mom would ask, "where are you going?" "I'll tell you later, Mom!" Slam. the door would shut. And if she, or anyone for that matter, needed to get ahold of me, I rarely had my cell phone. I suck at answering my cell.
Here, I have to say everything. Because if I don't, I won't go anywhere or get anything done. It's not really a trust or liberty issue like I thought, my mom just wants to know what's up and is big on communication.
The other night, we had a little dance party in the attic. I was showing my mom some of things
I learned in salsa class, and she was showing me some other passes. Emi just sat there laughing at us. At one point, we were dancing together, like hand in hand, and we both started laughing our heads off. We kept trying to get back to that dancing position, but every time, it was too funny, and we couldn't refrain from laughter. I thought we were going to die from lack of oxygen. It was hilarious.

Thoughts
At the beginning of my exchange, I mentioned this wasn't the "adventure" I imagined. Now I realize this is more than the adventure I imagined, and I just had the wrong definition of adventure. Adventure isn't just roaming through the jungle or climbing a mountain or exploring a deserted cave. It's not always a time when I'm full of adrenaline or hapiness or excitement. It's also the times when things are hard, when I'm stretched, when I'm forced to learn certain life lessons. It's discovering the little things of a new culture, like communication is extremely important and to share everything you have. It's living without the things or people that once made you comfortable. It's taking a salsa class. It's playing the guitar. It's growing. It's loving. It's learning.

It's life.

Travels

2008-10-30T14:47:00.000-07:00

Manabi Paseo a la Playa (Beach!)
Two weeks ago, all the exchange student started a 5 day trip to the beach. It took 10 hours to get there (in a country the size of Colorado, and starting from the middle) because the roads go up and down, as opposed to straight, due to the mountains. The drive was hermosisimo! (So beautiful) We were winding through the lush green mountains, overlooking a rushing river below, in a tiny valley. Occasionally, we would see the source of that river-- huge waterfalls flowing down the mountains. It was absolutely majestic. The first day after we had arrived, we were in a parade for some celebration of Puerto Viejo. It was pretty fun. There were 2 barneys and a pageant queen that had a tiara probably a foot and a half high, if I had to estimate. It was the most dangerous looking accessory I have ever seen. After the parade, we headed to the beach for some pretty terrible seafood, and then had about 2 hours to chill. Unfortunately, they were charging to use the restrooms, so I couldn't change into my suit and ended up just kind of splashing my feet around. It was kind of depressing, honestly. I find it hard to connect with the other exchange students because we just don't see things the same way or have the same reasons for being here. I started isolating myself and not trying as hard to be social...and then I felt lonely.
Imagine that...isolation making a person feel alone...
But I continued. the next day, we arrived at the other beach in Puerto Lopez. It was gorgeous! Completely surrounded by mountains, not a person in sight, fishing boats on the horizon, huge waves, and caves to texplore in the distance. There were hermit crabs running around and all sorts of crustaceans. I picked up about 10 perfect sandollars, all but 1 of which broke in my backpack.
I spent almost the entire day, walking or sitting alone. I felt like crying. I just kept praying I would meet someone I could relate to, someone I could tell my deeper thoughts, someone who would understand me and share similar values. A couple people asked if I was ok as they were walking by. I lied and told them I was fine, almost instantaneously welling up with tears. I felt guilty not being absolutely ecstatic at the most beautiful beach I've ever been to. But one of the things I've been learning here is that the things you think are going to be so cool or so exciting and adventurous--are only so when they're shared. Life is meant to be shared.
It's meant to be done together.

I have literally seen more natural beauty in my 2 months here in Ecuador than I have seen in my entire life, yet it's incredibly hard for me to appreciate all of it. And I'm usually one to sit in awe with my jaw open at a cool looking tree or sunset.
My family (in the States) took me on a graduation trip to Eureka Springs for 3 days back in June. If you've seen any of my pictures, Ecuador blows Eureka Springs out of the water. Yet I feel like I saw more beauty, appreciated nature more, and enjoyed my time more in Eureka Springs than I have here. And it was 3 days in Arkansas!!! Now I realize the difference is that I was with my family, surrounded by the people I love and that love me. It's interesting to me that even the nature, views, and adventures of Ecuador that are 10 times better than Eureka Springs couldn't make up or compensate for the lack of my family.
It's about people.

But back to the beach, we ate dinner after my depressing day, and a girl I hadn't seen before sat down at the table I was at. We didn't say anything to each other for awhile, but finally introduced ourselves, and somehow got on the topic of what we want to do with our lives. As I was telling her my bit, (quite timidly, I might add, because no one seems to really get it) her eyes started lighting up, and she grabbed my arm and said, "ME too!!" --- Hope rose in me. I was very much surprised that someone in this group of people shared the same dream as me. We want to study the same things and do the same things--even down to the smallest detail. It was fantastic. While the other exchange students were (I think) having a dance party, we went off and found a hammock and talked about how we want to change the world. We spent the next day at the beach together, walking along the shore line, talking about deep topics for once, (as opposed to the usual, "how are we going to buy alcohol, today?")
I had a friend! A real one. And it was exactly what I had prayed for the day before. As we were walking, we came across some caves. We had to climb some rocks to get there, but they were beautiful once we arrived. Apparently there were more a little farther, but the tide was too high to reach them. Those who went the day before, though, said it looked like a scene out of "The Notebook."
Agh! So i had some fantastic pictures of all this, until...I lost my camera : ( Surprisingly, I was hardly upset at all. Just a 'lil dissappointed. Life will go on.
While we were waiting for the tide to go down (which it didn't end up doing in time) we started talking about how we want to change this year and what we want to learn. Several more people joined in the conversation and it was cool to talk about something important with people other than just Kirsten. (Kirsten is the name of the girl I met.) We ended the day with an anti-climactic rotary meeting/dinner. We weren't told what we were doing, but were split up into our respective countries and given large flags to carry in. We were waiting outside the door to the meeting for at least an hour, all the while camera men and important looking people passing us to enter the meeting. Each country was even told to pick a representative to speak on TV! Yet, when we were finally aloud to enter, there were about 10 people --10-- waiting for us to set our flags in stands and sit down. Did I mention it was anti-climactic?
After the meeting, there was an hora loca--crazy hour. Rotary hired people in circus costumes to come and dance and get us to dance. There was even a man on stiltz! They gave everyone a silly hat and noise makers and were blowing on whistles and making dance trains. It was actually pretty fun, the crazy hour.

So overall, the trip was good. It had its downs, but meeting Kirsten was incredible. A true answer to prayer. I started thinking about not going on the other trips Rotary has (Galapagos and Amazon) because I wouldn't have been able to enjoy myself with the majority of the other exchange students, but after meeting Kirsten, I'm excited about getting to go.

All of my pictures are lost, but I'm working on getting pics from some other exchange students.

Cayambe
Last weekend, I went to a volcano called Cayambe with my unlce, aunt, cousin, and some friends of theirs. It's not that far away, but it took 3 hours to drive to the top. Hopefully that gives you an idea of how tall it was. (Or at least how bad the road was : )) It was snow capped, and breathtaking--literally. (there's not much oxygen at that altitude) Some of the snow was melting and forming a small waterfall and river in the valley below. You could hear the rushing water echo from the valley up to the top of the mountain, where we were. There were hardly any people, and no unnatural sounds. It was completely tranquil.

I took photos with my unlce's cam, and will upload them as soon as I see him again!

Also, took my first salsa class and bought a guitar that weekend.

Octubre 6-13

2008-10-13T13:27:00.000-07:00

4 Day Weekend
Wednesday was the birthday of the director at my school, so the whole day was a program for her. After the program, everyone started chanting "No school tomorrow!! No school tomorrow!" And she agreed. So there was no school Thursday for no reason. Friday was the Independence Day of Guayaquil, one of the major cities here, so we didn't have school then either. Seriously? There is a vacation for everything and nothing here. Every CITY has an independence day that they take off school and work for. It's glorious.

Thursday, I went to Parque Metropolitano with Sebas. It was a perfect day for the park. We were planning on riding bikes there, but found that the bikes were locked together. Normally, I have a set of keys, but ....well, I lost them. Also the keys to the house. So to even get into the house, I had to go the neighbors and climb over their "fence" into our backyard. Screwed up my ankle upon landing, right after banging my knee into the stone wall. It was awesome. Then I had to crawl through the kitchen window, in which my hips got stuck. I had to turn my body sideways to get through. I didn't even think I had hips! ...still haven't told momi and popi about all of this yet. or the keys. Quite honestly I'm terrified.
But once we finally got to the park, it was great. We sat and looked out over Cumbaya (another valley city) from a gorgeous spot high up on the mountain. We sat there in silence for probably 2 hours. It was beautiful.
We went wandering aimlessly after that for another couple of hours. And one thing you have to know about this park, is that it's HUGE. Most definitely bigger than Central Park in NYC. So we could have gotten lost very easily. The whole time we were walking, neither of us knew where we were or where we were going...and it was getting dark. I learned a valuable lesson in following my heart that day. Did I care that it was getting dark and I had absolutely no idea where I was in the middle of what seemed to be complete wilderness? No, and very uncharacteristic of me. But I just kept following the things in nature that sparked my interest. If it looked like something cool would be at the end of one path, I would follow that one..only the paths never ended. Only broke off into more paths. I was pretty sure that the entire time we were headed in the opposite direction of the entrance to the park, and that we would end up at the complete back, (it's totally fenced in) and have to walk all the way back (hours) in unlit darkness through the wilderness, in the fairly known-for-danger park. Though, at the actual end of the paths we had taken, was the entrance! and much closer to the street than where we had entered. I was blown away. Not to mention that I really wanted to see the sun setting, but all the trees had been in the way, and where we exited happened to be the most gorgeous view of the sunset. It was a spectacular day.

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Friday, the fam went to the Centro Historico de Quito, or Quito Antigua. We went to a few musuems and cathedrals, and another BEAUTIFUL park. I sware, the parks here are fabulous, and everywhere. This park was on a hill, but without a lot of trees, so the view of Quito was gorgeous!

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Saturday, I went fishing in Papallacta. I don't know if I've actually ever caught anything before this day or not, but I caught three! And I had no idea how scared I was of fish lol. After catching it, you have to take it off the hook right? Yeah, I was freakin' out all over the place. Everytime I would get close to touching it, it would flinch or something, and I would run away. I felt like such a pansy lol. Everyone was looking at me like who's the gringa loca! It was cool though, because apparently, we were in the tundra? Which Josh and I talked about this, and we were pretty sure that "tundra" was only near the poles. But apparently, on the equator as well lol. It was thoroughly beautiful, as is everything here.

Is this not the best face ever? You can't really tell, but my finger is in the fish's gill. Dang Uncle.
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Host Fam
My mom was driving me home from my first successfully completed Spanish ballet class, when she decided to confide in me! It's confidential of course, but the point is that she's beginning to trust me.

Emi (sis) and I started exercising together... It's a blast. Honestly, we laugh more than work out, but that's a work out too, right? We're planning on getting a cheesy workout video; like Solomon, Jessica, and I, and the Hip Hop Abs video. haha. I'm thinking Yoga Booty Ballet? Yes, that is a work out video.

School
Today, my English teacher said "they speak English on all 5 continents!"
phaha. How many continents are there teacher?

In economics today, I explained the war in Iraq and its economic affects...in Spanish! I was thoroughly expecting everyone to look at me with blank stares and not understand what I said, but everyone was nodding, and when I finished, the teacher went right on with "yes, as Heidi said.."
It felt good to be able to say what I wanted and it be understood : )

Thoughts
I'm confused. I don't know what I'm feeling. I'm unsettled and I have knots in my stomach. Somethings wrong. I feel disconnected and uneasy...I feel an attack.

All Pics of Ecuador

El 22 de Septiembre hasta El 6 de Octubre

2008-10-06T13:01:00.000-07:00

Things are starting to get hard. I'm having to choose to be positive and take up my cross everyday. It's not as natural as it once was. But I want to consciously do things and consciously follow Christ. Not just do it out of habit.
Life isn't supposed to be easy. I need things to be hard and to stretch me so that I learn something--so that I continue to grow and mature and make strides.
"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us--they help us learn to endure." Romans 5:3

Weekend Before Last
Ayayay. What an intense couple of days these were. It was a 3 day weekend, so I had all these plans for traveling and getting out of the city. Little did I know we were having company the whole weekend. So I didn't get out AT ALL, and spent the whole weekend with family. Don't get me wrong. I love spending time with my family and still really enjoyed myself--if there's anything better than traveling and getting out, it's family and people--it was just disappointing because it wasn't what I was planning on. We had some really delicious food and a birthday party for my cousin. I also learned how to shell and clean shrimp! So the weekend was productive? haha.
Sunday was voting day on the new constitution--that passed--socialism and all. It's required to vote here, so every high school and university in town were crammed with people. Voting day here is like the fair. There are street vendors and cotton candy and ice cream and balloons. It's actually pretty fun! After voting, relatives went back to Shell, and so I still had my Monday to get out and do something--though did I? No. I stayed in my pj's all day and watched ridiculously sad chick flicks while crying about not being outside.
Seriously?
But yeah, it was depressing. School the next day made things a lot better. I just needed people and to realize that it's not about me and to get up off my butt and stop having a pity party.
Lesson learned.

Last Week
I haven't started guitar, dance, or serving yet, so my week days are pretty much free after school. Last week, I went to a couple of concerts with Sebastian at the music conservatory, and just being in the building, full of people passionate about learning music made me really excited about starting guitar lessons. So often with flute, when I wasn't in a band or didn't have a competition coming up, I had no motivation or desire to practice. But I have a felling this is going to be different. Just being around passionate people in general motivates me. And to go to ballet class right after, dancing to classical music--HEAVEN! Ah! I can't wait.

The other day, I went on a 'lil adventure (Or so I decided to think of it). It was really just a walk around my neighborhood, but I was looking to discover something. And discover something I did! A cute 'lil park with the most amazing view of the mountains. I sat on top of the monkey bars, soaking in the sunset until it got so cold I couldn't feel my toes. I was probably there an hour and a half--and it was pure bliss. To simply sit and be.

At school last week, I finally popped. I couldn't take all the socialism talk and bashing the United States uninformedly anymore. My English teacher says crap that's not true about the United States all the time--like all American's are organized and there are no stay at home moms. I correct the misconceptions, of course, but last week he started to say things that so many South American countries are confused about concerning the economy, war, and president of the U.S. Now--I'm not one who necessarily supports the war or president either, but I at least understand what happened and what's happening. My teacher? Not so much. All he knows is that he's mad about the war (but doesn't know why)-- only that war kills people.
"NO!!!" I basically yelled, as I took my face out of my hands. So taken back was my teacher that the usually sweet, helpful, RESERVED Heidi was suddenly unleashed from her language-barrier cage. This was English class--I could say what I had been wanting to say. I gave about a 15 minute lecture on the war and president and economy, and could've kept going, but the bell rang. I said it all in the most understanding and loving way I could, considereing all the pressure that had built up. No joke, even writing about this is making me flushed. My teacher thanked me after class and told me he would like to hear more and that he didn't realize how uninformed he was. Talk about feeling relieved! My teapot had been taken off the burner and used for a cup of tea. ha. that was lame.

Last Weekend
Telefericooooo!
Saturday, I went on this ski-lift-like ride up to the top of Pichincha Mountain with Sebas. Only it wasn't actually the top. You can climb another 6 hours or so to the real top after you get off the ride. And we did climb about 2 1/2 hours, after gazing at the gorgeous view for awhile. But it was getting late and apparently there have been many deaths from lightning strikes late in the afternoon. It started raining on the way back. It was glorious. We were walking through the clouds, on a mountaintop, while it was raining, overlooking the glory of God's creation.
Look at the pics ; )

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Sunday-- went to church and got to catch up with the people I met at the 20 somethings group. Afterwards, I volunteered with Pan de Vida (Bread of Life) . We cooked and served lots of good food for the poor and homeless of Quito. It was cool to be able to communicate with the kids this time. We ate lunch at Abuelita's (Grandma's), and I ended up making the lemonade. My beautiful lemonade got slammed 3 times. First I was told it didn't have enough lemons, then it didn't have enough sugar, and lastly--I didn't make enough. ouch. I felt like crying. Surrounded by a room full of incredible cooks, I couldn't even make the lemonade right. But then I got to talk to Rachel on skype the rest of the night, and all was well.

Thoughts
Why faith?
Why is the faith part of following God so important to Him? I mean, why are we physical and he spiritual? Why aren't we at least in the same dimensions? Why would we first have to decide whether or not we believe there is a God before we decide whether or not we're going to follow him? Why isn't it just a fact that He exists--like a king of the world-- and then those who follow him do and those who don't, don't. It wouldn't be a question of whether or not He exists, just whether or not you're going to follow Him. So why is this faith part so important to God?
Does it have anything to do with the "shield of faith"?

I am here not for myself, but for the work of Christ in the places I am. My family, my school, Aunts and Uncles, Quito. I am here because Christ wants to touch these people and this city.

Oh, how I love life.
How I love being alive.
How I love people and kindness and learning and knowledge.
How excited I am about going to college and learning about things that will help people and truly interest me.
How exciting, how adventurous, how full and vibrant this life is.
Every step will be guided and I have no reason to worry about anything. But pray and petition for the people in my life and the tradgedies I see. I will stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves. I will let him use me to touch people exactly the way they need Him.
(sidenote: I am note always that perky about life. I had a moment of inspiration.)

More PHOTOS of Ecaudor

Mi Fin de Semana (My Weekend)

2008-09-22T13:47:00.000-07:00

Spanish Classes
I had my last day of fairly useless spanish classes Friday. We had to do a little drama, proving our spanish skills or our not-so-spanish skills for the rotary club. My group did the story of "Gallito de la Catedral" (rooster of the cathedral). Guess which part I got? ...Yep. The rooster. Did I mention there were costumes? It was nothing elaborate, but I still looked pretty ridiculous. And I forgot one of my 3 lines. But the classes were fun. They kept me busy. Oh, and get this. My mom wasn't able to take me to classes the first week and doesn't want me taking the bus alone, so asked my friend Sebas if he would take. Sebastian lives an hour away. So here's how his schedule went. Ride the bus an hour in the morning to the North (where I live) to go to his music class, ride it back home for lunch, get back on for another hour to my house to pick me up, ride it again 3/4 of an hour to my spanish classes, WAIT for me for 2 hours during my classes, 3/4 hour bus ride back to my house to drop me off, then another hour back to his house. !!! !!!
what!?!--then he offers to do it again the next week. and did. and paid for all the buses.

Yeah. I don't have a lot of words for him.

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Family
When I told my mom I wanted to start traveling on the weekends, she told me she would like to go too! which rocks--because then we'll take the car and not the bus and I'll get to spend more time with them. She also told me that if Emi (sis) ends up being an exchange student, she wants her to stay with my family in the States. I think that means she likes me : )

Normally with Rotary, exchange students change families at least once. But there's a possibility that if you ask to stay, and it's cool with your fam, you don't have to change. So Emily Told me the other day, "I don't want a new sister. You're sufficient for me, and you make me laugh." Granted--she said it sarcastically. lol But then I said, "Ouch, insulto?" and she reassured me, "no no no, seriously."
So I took it.
She's not exactly the sentimental type. Actually, we have a joke about how she has no heart, because every time we watch sad or touching movies, like Into the Wild, I get all emotional or really love it, and she just laughs at me and usually doesn't like the movie.
--sin corazon--

Mitad Del Mundo
We went on our first family trip last weekend to Mitad del Mundo, which is a city through which the equator runs. It wasn't quite as cool as I thought it would be to stand with one foot in each hemisphere. I kind of thought I would feel "pulled in both directions" or gravity would be different or something. Yeah, it definitely just felt like I was standing up.
Me and my dang expectations.
But it was still really fun! And we went to the top of an inactive volcano and looked down into the valley where the lava used to be. People actually live in it now. It's a pretty spectacular view.
Pictures soon to come. They're on Sebastian's camera.

New Friends
After Mitad del Mundo, I went to a meeting of jovenes (young people) with my neighbor, Diana, at her church. The group was a lot younger than the 20 somethings at the English speaking church, more like in college or right out of college. So it's a much better fit. (they're a lot more fun) And Diana can take me so I don't have to bother my mom with rides. Emi reluctantly came too, but ended up really enjoying it. She even went to church with me the next morning. After the meeting, we all went to a jazz concert in Quito Antigua. It was really fun, but some pretty embarassing stuff happened, and EVERY joke was on me.
First-
I had worn shorts and sandals to the meeting and didn't bring a jacket because all my clothes are dirty. Weeeell, it's cold here. And the concert was outside, so I ended up wearing the sweat suit of one of the generous guys in the group. Unfortunately, he's about 6 inches shorter than me and thinner too, so I was popping out of this sweatsuit and it only came up to my ankles. Highwaters and chacos. What a combination.
Second-
You know those people who pretend to be statues for money? One of my "new friends" pointed on of these out to me and told me I should go talk to it. I was like "sweet! I want to make him laugh." So I walk over as the whole roup watches.
... ...
It's fake. It's actually a statue. Thanks guys.
Third-
Could we stop with the boyfriend questions already?
Fourth-
We fit 6 people and 2 North Americans in a 5 passenger car. The whole drive home, they were cracking joes, majority of which having to do with me. If I didn't underatnd something--it was funny for them. If I Did understand something-- it was hilarious for them. Whatever. They're fun.

Thoughts
Life is good.
Life is really good.
But only because God is good.

Currently Missing
Late night "study" sessions with Catherine, Sean, and Andrew; TSAS

Sidenote
My lit teacher acts and even looks just like Ellen, and my math teacher looks and acts like Glover. Certain types of people must just be destined for such things.

Travels and Updates

2008-09-21T19:28:00.000-07:00

Banos and Shell, Ecuador
I finally got to travel!!! Last weekend, I went to Shell, Ecuador, which is the same place "End of the Spear" was filmed and the history took place at. I stayed with my missionary tios (aunt and uncle), and they live on the same missionary base that the missionaries in the movie lived. Surreal. I hadn't seen the movie before, but I watched it in Shell and then got to visit all the places in the movie! It was really great. Ecuador is ridiculously beautiful and I can't say a whole lot more about it, because the pictures tell it better than I ever could. But let's just say that I probably saw more natural beauty on the drive to Shell alone than I have in my entire life. My tongue actually went numb--NUMB--from awestruckness. So yeah. Look at the pictures : ) (Click the pic for more)

School Updates
School is going REALLY well. I'm glad I'm only a Jr. here, because I think being so much older than everyone makes it prestigious to be my friend. Stupid--but seemingly true. We had a dance party in class the other day, and I looked at my schedule and realized it was during the time we were supposed to be having religion. Ironic?

So honestly, I feel like I'm going to explode when we talk about socialism. I wrote a full page of scattered thoughts during the discussion. I feel all stressed out and unheard like I need to SCREAM! Because I can't express my opinions or thoughts in Spanish and never know when it's a good time to chime in. AGH! I have so much to say!!

On a sidenote: Notebooks and erasers are scented here, and Winni the Pooh is the notebook cover of choice. haha.

Thoughts
Why would God create us? or anything for that matter? He doesn't need us, and if He's all knowing, he knew we would all screw up royally and bash his name and worship other gods. So...why? and if the answer is he was lonely, why not just make us perfect, or stick with angels? and how could he be lonely anyways if he's already 3 in 1?
I would love some input! But here's what I came up with after a few days of thought.

It's like the relationship between parents and their children. Why would a couple decide to create children? They don't need children, and they know that it's going to be hard and their kids are going to screw up and not like them sometimes and talk bad about them to their friends and for sure be a burden at times. So why? They're not lonely--they have each other.
Obviously, there are a lot of different answers from different people for this question.
One person said that having children is a celebration of the union of two people in love. So who God would be in love with before he created us? Not sure. But that's just one answer for why people have children.
(I found 6 references to us as children of God in la Biblia, and I'm sure there's more)

As far as making humans or angels perfect...
If we were perfect, and therefore couldn't do wrong, we would never do anything good because we wanted to do good and obey, only beacuse we couldn't do any different. Essentially, we would be robots. And I know I feel all fuzzy inside when a robot tells me it loves me.---it means nothing. It's like being the only woman alive. All the men are going to tell you they love you, but you're not being chosen above anyone else. You're it. You're all they have the option of loving. You're not special.
On the other hand, the man you choose is going to feel like king of the world--because he was chosen above all others. He is special.

So--Maybe God does need us. Maybe he just wanted to be loved. Wouldn't love want a lover?
(If God is love?)

Currently Missing
My Mommy, my Amy, awesome teachers like Jan O'Connor--for real.

Other recent PHOTOS

Rollercoaster

2008-09-06T21:52:00.000-07:00

Talk about a roller coaster of emotions last weekend. I went from my highest point yet at the beginning of the weekend to my lowest point yet Sunday night.

It started Saturday. Something was different when I awoke. Things didn’t seem so foreign anymore, Spanish didn’t sound so different anymore, my family didn’t feel so distant and unattached anymore. I felt like I was---

Home.

The Ups (written Saturday)

Wow. Everything today has been surprisingly different and really fantastic. I hung out with Sebastian, and we spoke in Spanish...which I realized is the fastest way to learn, because if I screw up, he can explain it to me in English. He's also my human dictionary : ) We jogged a 'lil (because I'm seriously out of shape and not used to the altitude or hills) and started watching "Into the Wild"...which I LOVE. But I found that after hanging out with him, my Spanish was drastically improved. I could talk to my family and understand a lot more of what they were saying. Plus--momi was practically telling me to hang out and have fun today. I was like, "wha?" So I think I'm gaining some trust and respect!!
Tonight, we went to Abuelita's for some empanadas and cafe (pastries and coffee), and Emi and I were laughing pretty much the whole time. It was so great to connect with her. And then right before bed, I was asking if it was alright to volunteer after church tomorrow, and Momi said, "Oh si! No hay una problema. Esta bien!" Usually, I get a "well....let me ask popi." and then a "ok, I guess it's alright."

The Downs

So I started watching into the wild with Sebastian Saturday, but didn’t finish it until Sunday night. SO DEPRESSING!! I haven’t felt that bad after watching a movie since Tristan and Isolde. I think the overall feeling of sadness led me to dive into some deeper stuff I didn’t even know I was dealing with. I went to bed pretty much right after the movie, but couldn’t sleep. I was thinking about so much and ended up crying pretty heavily under the covers for a while, as to not wake the fam. I was thinking about how my host mom will randomly start crying when she looks at me because she misses her son, about being overwhelmed with the newness of everything and my Spanish, about how much I break the heart of my Savior everyday, about being so freaking bored sometimes… about missing my family and my sister, and my friends—and about how many things happen in a year and how long it really is.

I fell asleep eventually, though, and woke with a new frame of mind and then had a great day at school. So I think whatever I was dealing with that night worked itself out : )

"For He will conceal me there (His Temple) when troubles come; He will hide me in His sanctuary. He will place me out of reach on a high rock. Then I will hold my head high, above my enemies who surround me." Psalm 27:5-6

Since the weekend, things have been even more fantastic with Emi and things at school are going really great as well. It's not boring anymore!! Thursday, I met a girl who lives in my barrio (neighborhood) who's seriously cool and took me to see 'Made of Honor' at the theater. It was a blast! And a college exchange student from the States came with. We had coffee at a Micky D's afterwards, and it was by far the highest quality McDonald's I've ever been to. It was set up like a real coffee shop, with glass cups and couches!
Also, I decided I want to start traveling on the weekends, and I think I've gained enough trust with Madre now that it will be alright. We'll see!

Funny Moments

Haha! My English teacher found out I was American Monday. Here’s how it went.

“Okay class! Today I will check the materials. Come up to my desk and show me your books. First, Andrea Garces! …Good. Alejandra! … Good. Aidy Pancratz!?”

“It’s Heidi,” I said, and walked up to his desk. He may as well have fallen out of his chair. The look on his face was priceless.

“Oh my goodness! I didn’t know that you weren’t from here! What state do you come from?”

“Oklahoma,” I said.

“Oh class, we are blessed to have an American English speaker here. Are you here the whole year?”

“Yes.”

“Great! You can help me with my English! Promise?”

Then he held his hand up kind of like a high five, but kind of like a ‘boy scouts honor’ hand gesture. So, in context, I took it as a ‘boy scouts honor’ hand gesture, and therefore did the same. (Mind you, this is all in front of the class.) Well—it was supposed to be a high five. By the time I realized, my hand was back down and his was still hangin’, So I put my and back up to give him the high five, just as he was putting his down! It was extremely awkward. But we laughed it off. He asked my opinion on everything after that and had me writing on the board and pronouncing things. I think he asked the class to give me a round of applause 3 times. So embarrassing.

I think the question I get asked the most by the girls in school is if I have a boyfriend. It must be a big deal to have a boyfriend here…and they know how to say it in English : ) Even my teachers ask me!

Thoughts

I’m starting to realize I can’t live without Him. That my heart aches and my stomach hurts when I haven’t spent time with His or heard His voice. That things are not right in my world when I haven’t acknowledged Him. That I feel hollow and empty without His embrace and gentle nudges. That I truly LONG to praise and thank Him.

That all I want to do is

Bask in His beauty and serve Him.

Pictures of Weeks 1 and 2

2008-09-05T23:05:00.001-07:00

First Few Days of School

2008-09-03T21:14:00.000-07:00

Oh, highschool...
I know somebody was praying for me Tuesday, because I couldn't have had a much better first day of school. I didn't sleep a wink the night before, some things never change. Surprisingly, I wasn't nervous though, just really excited. Maybe it's because I've already been through the process, but then again, maybe it's because all the kids in my class are 15 or 16. lol I feel like they all think they're really intimidating, giving me these looks like I'm the weird kid that doesn't belong. One girl actually asked me today if i was afraid of her and her group of friends. It makes me laugh. : )

Day 1
So...I got to school Tuesday morning and realized I'm a head and shoulders taller than everyone--which doesn't help to hide the fact that I'm the American exchange student and explains all the staring! I now know how people in wheelchairs must feel, only instead of people looking down to see me, they're looking up. And let's just say that the uniform here was not made to look attractive on the tall. To add to my overall appearance of oddness, my mom decided to hold my hand and walk me to where my class was gathering (even though it was clearly marked). I looked like such a dork, but it was sweet of her : ) As soon as she left, a group of about 6 girls came up to me and asked if I wanted to be a part of their group. I was very much blown away by how inclusive and inviting they were. All through orientation, they were asking me questions and trying to get to know me. It was pretty great. We had a few classes the first day, and the teachers all made me introduce myself first and say why I chose "sociales" (social studies) as my focus. And I had to explain that I didn't choose anything--in spanish. It was tough. There was lots of laughter. That's one of the differences in the highschools here, that at 16 years old, you have to decide what you want to specialize in. It's like a major--for highschool. And I've heard that if later you want to change your career path, you have to go back to highschool! So my specialization is in sociales. Another difference is that instead of the students changing classrooms, the teachers change and the students stay put. My butt goes numb after about the 2nd class.
I met a girl named Michelle who understands English and speaks a 'lil who's helping me quite a bit. She ate lunch with me and even paid for my food! Plus, she's already invited me over for dinner sometime. So I'm doing ok in the friend department : )
All my teachers seem really cool and are apparently really funny. My classes are really interesting subjects, giving me incentive to learn Spanish quickly. Most of them are things I want to study in college...so I'm sure as soon as I can understand what they're talking about, school will be a lot less boring.
(List of my classes: Literatura, Ingles, Economia, Filosofia, Historia, Educacion Fisica, Sociologia, Computacion, Geografia, Religion, Economia, Matematicas, Dirigencia)
Today in geography, there was a serious debate about the new constitution they're trying to pass here. It was crazy! People were up out of their chairs and in people's faces arguing their point. I really wish i could understand and throw in my opinion. I love that kind of "class participation." lol
But back to day 1, I met the only other exchange student at my school. He was pretty easy to pick out, being a tall, blue eyed, and blonde amongst a bunch of short, dark, and handsomes. He was standing with a group of students when I introduced myself, and then they all went silent. They were saying things like "Shhh!! Listen! Let them talk!" as though we were some show on t.v. and something really important was happening. I really wish that we had had some foreign exchange students at TSAS, because then I would know what it's like to be on the other side of all this, and if what I'm experiencing is normal. Oh and get this...my school bus, is a mercedes-benz!

The Students
You know those "popular" people who pretend to be your friend so other people will think they're nice but they really dont give a crap about you? Well, they exist in Ecuador, too.
The students here are extremely "clickish," and I've found Ecuador has a very touchy culture. Everyone plays with each others' hair in class, and a greeting is a kiss on the cheek. I love it though. Physical affection happens to be one of my love languages.

Dress Code
The dress code is ridiculous. Not only do we all wear the same thing everyday, but your backpacks, purses, and even hair ties have to be black or blue. We're also not aloud to wear makeup or Jewelry and our hair can't be distracting. What Ayn Rand hater decided we should rid ourselves of every hint of individualism?

Homework (meh heh)
The past few days, I've been trying to decide whether I'm going to do the homework or not, because I've already been assigned two books and two papers. None of this counts for credit because I'm already graduated--so the only point in doing the work portion is to maintain good enough grades to stay in extracurriculars; however, my lovely mother informed me at lunch today that she talked to the monjas (nuns) and they said my grades don't matter for the first trimester. YEEUH. Second tri, I hear there are a lot of vacations, and hardly any homework, and third tri doesn't matter because grades don't come out until it's all over! I'm set.

Funny/Interesting Moments
There was a great moment yesterday where I was sitting at my desk, day-dreaming, when I realized everyone had turned to look at me and was laughing. Good friend behind me taps me on the shoulder and lifts my hand for me. The teacher had asked if there were any new people and I totally missed it. So when everyone turned to look at me, I was staring off into space. ha.

Today, my English teacher was trying to describe the word "host" to the class. lol The context was, "I bind myself to God's host to secure me against the snares of demons." So it's talking about angels, right? Well the teacher told the class that it meant "a person who visits us." I'm thinking ..."you mean a guest?... as in the opposite of host?...and in the wrong context completely?" It was pretty funny. He also said the definition of lust is "great enthusiasm for someone or something." Well...let's see here. I have great enthusiasm for dance? and Jesus? Does that mean I'm lusting after dance and Jesus? English class is fun. I understand things : )

Thoughts
In the States, I have total and complete freedom. And a car. So i can go wherever I want, whenever I want, and I don't have worrying parents back home, because they trust me. Aqui? Not the situation. My mom here is convinced that I will get robbed if I ride the bus or take a taxi alone. I can't even go walking alone! In broad daylight! In my neighborhood! Seriously, I understand taking precautions and knowing your surroundings, but it's not that dangerous here. Sure I could get robbed on the bus, but I understand the concept of holding your purse with two hands in front of your body, keeping things zipped, and not pulling out anything expensive in front of people. Seems like common sense to me? ...and I'm 18. Come on. Let me out of the dang house. But anyways, I tend to trust and respect people when I first meet them, but I'm learning that with most people, trust and respect--and therefore freedom--come very much, if not totally, from your actions. It is a gained thing. My family here does not know who I am, and I haven't had enough time to show them who I am with my actions, and definitely not with my words. So I understand the situation....it's just difficult. I think God is teaching me how to be submissive and how to better be under authority. It's all those dang submission prayers in DNA last year lol.

I keep expecting that one day Spanish is going to sound like English, but I have a feeling it will always sound different : )

I realized today why it takes forever to go anywhere. There are no highways!

If you look like you're doing something interesting, people will come talk to you. It worked twice today!

Currently Missing:
My freedom, running, driving, yoga, Jessica, sleepovers.

Sidenotes
Would've been nice if someone had told me I was supposed to bring my own toilet paper to school.

I love Proverbs. It's like opening a bunch of fortune cookies.
Proverbs 14:12
"There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death."

Ecuador Photos Semana Uno y Dos

2008-08-30T15:31:00.000-07:00

I realize this is only 2 pictures, and crappy ones. The rest are being uploaded right now...may take a few days because my computer is slow. There are just a few more on my picasa account, and that is where they will be uploaded to when they decide they want to upload.
http://picasaweb.google.com/heidipancratz/

This is part of the view from the roof

Semana Uno y Dos (Week One and Two)

2008-08-29T13:25:00.000-07:00

Wow... so i guess it's actually been a 'lil over a week and half now. It feels so much longer than that.
Leaving the States and arriving in Ecuador has been a lot different than I thought it would be and has taught me a few things. I'll just start with the weekend before leaving.

Departure/Arrival/Day 1
It still hadn't hit me yet that I would be leaving for a year, but I knew I wanted to spend time with the people who meant the most to me. So I procrastinated packing until Sunday night (I left Monday morning) and basically pulled 2 all-nighters with friends...trying to get all that last minute hang time in. I actually didn't finish packing until about 10 minutes before I loaded my things in the car. And I wouldn't change a thing about that weekend. It definitely made me realize how truly amazing my friends are and how much I am cared for by them. But it also definitely made leaving that much harder. The airport was tough. I'm not sure when I stopped crying, but it was sometime before my first flight ended. It finally hit me as I was turning the corner past security and realized I couldn't look back and see them anymore, and wouldn't be able to again for a year. I then turned into a hyperventilating mess and worried just about everyone I passed on the way to the gate and in the plane. The guy next to me actually moved over a seat to give me some space! Flight 1 consisted of mourning my loss. Flight 2 consisted of looking to the crazy adventure ahead. Flight 3 (final flight) was pretty much pure prayer through knots in my stomach. My welcoming at the airport was a lot different than I expected. I thought that pretty much as soon as I got off the plane, my family would be waiting with a big "Welcome to Ecuador, Heidi Pancratz" sign, and there would be lots of smiles and excitement and miscommunication. And they did have a sign, and there was a lot of miscommunication. But it went more like this. Get off the plane. Excitement. Excitement. Fill out some immigration paper work. Wait in a line for 20 minutes to give the paperwork. My nerves kick in and my face and ears start getting hot. Literally, it was about 45 degrees outside and nearly that inside (no one has heat or air here, not even the airport) and I'm sweating! After the line, I try to find my luggage, (still haven't seen my family yet) try to figure out how to rent one of the luggage carriers, but cant speak spanish, and then somehow find my family in a huge mob of people. Now I'm just fatigued. No more excitement. But I managed to smile when I met my family, even though they were slighty peeved because I was about an hour later than I said I would be. The drive home, all I was thinking was, "MY SPANISH SUCKS!", and "how am I going to show them who I am?" Once at home, I got the royal tour. And this house is so amazing! 4 stories, but small stories. I have my own room, which used to be their son's room (he's in Germany doing the same thing as me). I felt pretty special though, because they changed the bedspread to a girly one, added pink and stuffed animals to the room and had 25 beautiful roses waiting for me! I knew at that moment I would be loved and cared for here. My new sister, Emily took me up to the rooftop terrace to show me the view...and it's beautiful at night! The lights roll over the hills and mountains, shimmering like gold. We had dinner with some aunts and uncles and cousins (which happens quite often, I love it). It was lasagna and salad...so my idea of what the food would be like here was already scewed. lol Later (dinner wasn't over until 1 a.m.) I sat with Emi in her room, looking at lots of photographs of high school musical, The Jonas Brothers, and Jesse Mccartney (She's 15). I'm kind of pretending like I like them for now until we're close enough to break it to her lol.

Family:
Since my first day, things have been pretty great. My family is really patient with me and my spanish, and are extremely hospitable. Always asking me if I want more food (which if you know me at all, you know is important), always involving me and wanting to know what life is like in Tulsa and if I have any pictures. And they let me call them Momi and Popi!

Food:
The food here is quite different than in the States. Everything is fresh and home cooked. No processed food! It's fantastic! I love all of it, except the dairy products. They have a very distinct taste to them that I'm trying to get used to. I have found that Ecuadorians LOVE their cheese. I thought I loved cheese, until I was asked to try cheese in my fruity desert. Seriously, they eat it with everything. We have big breakfasts and even bigger lunches, and then snacks around 7:30. It's a wonderful idea, eating at the right time of day. And we don't go "grocery shopping" because there isn't a grocery store. There is a separate tienda for all the food. (which is part of the reason it's all so fresh) My favorite food so far...I actually forgot what it's called, but its chicken schishkabob with this special green salsa/garlic/avocado sauce. It's delicious.

Time:
One of the best things about being here is having time to do all of the things I've always wanted to but never had the time for. Such as reading! And writing. Lot's of journaling going on. And having the time to contact people I don't usually get to. PLUS...once school starts next week...I start GUITAR LESSONS, DANCE, AND KARATE!!! I'm psyched. But I actually have to get good grades and try in my classes to stay in them...which I wasn't planning on.

School:
So school hasn't started yet, but I've gotten my uniform. And I look ridiculous!! Pictures soon to come on the first day of school lol. But I had to have my skirt tailor made because I'm so tall, and plain white tennis shoes for P.E. ....well, they don't even make my size here. So I'm wearing men's tennis shoes, and the sweatpants I have to wear for P.E.... also aren't made in even nearly my size, so I'm wearing the largest boy's size that still fits around my waist...and guess what? They're not long enough lol. Oh the joys of long legs and big feet. So that should give you an idea of the general size of people here. I am stared at almost constantly, like "who's the North American giant?" but it's all good. I think it's pretty funny.

New Friends and Church:
About 4 days in, Aunt Pauli and Uncle Steve came in town from Shell, Ecuador.
"Hola, Tio Steve! Como estas?"
"Hi, Heidi! I'm Good. We're glad you're in Ecuador!"
"Wait...you speak English?"
...So I have an American Uncle...who's a missionary here. God is good.
He's married to the sister of my host mom and they have 3 wonderful children. Spent most of my time with their girls, seeing as their little boy was first scared of me, then loved me for 10 minutes, then kept trying to hurt me. lol and they say women are moody? But their time here was awesome!! I got to speak some English, which at the time was like winning the lottery, and they took me to a church not far from the house mostly made up of English-speaking missionaries in Quito!! And the church has a ton of service and mission opportunities, including many involving children (yay!!) and they have a "20 somethings" Bible study group that meets every week, which will be a great opportunity to meet some Christ followers my age. ...Did I say God was good?

I have a friend!! His name is Sebastian, and he is terrific! He also speaks English. We got to hang out the last couple of days, which has been so great! He took me to the Pantecilla ...I think that's what it's called... which is a big statue of the Virgin (with wings...which I didn't know she had) on the top of a mountain. It's awesome and the view is fantastic! Later we went to Quito Antigua, which is a very European looking area of the city. It's beautiful! We got to walk around and take pictures and go into some freaking amazing cathedrals... but better than the things that we did, he has truly raised my spirits. I have more peace being here and it's cool to know if I have a problem or need someone to talk to...he's there for me. : ) I'm going to his church this Sunday, and we're taking the bus! yeeeuh. It's supposed to be quite the dangerous experience aqui.

Loneliness:
So a few days ago (before Sebastian), I was pretty down. I was supposed to be at the 20 somethings Bible study, but instead ended up sitting through a 2 hr visit with my counselor, which ended up being a 2 hr visit between my counselor and my family..because I couldn't understand anything they were saying. I was really frustrated with my Spanish. I had been going through cycles of being really excited because I was learning quickly, then getting sick of it, then realizing I don't have the option of being sick of it, then getting depressed (with my spanish), and all over again. This night... was a depressed night. All through the "visit" I was thinking of everybody back home and how much I missed and wanted to talk to them. Who knew you could feel so lonely surrounded by so many people? Praise God for skype, facebook, and music! I have never appreciated my ipod more. The music just brings me back home. It has truly kept me sane. (Thanks Nate and Sol!)
And then there are always those moments when you realize that God is right there and the only reason you're lonely is because you're choosing to be. Yeah. : )

Thoughts:
I woke up the first morning I was here, looked out the bathroom window, and freaked. The mountains were right there! I ran up the stairs to the rooftop terrace and beheld this gorgeous work of God's creation. It has been the perfect spot for watching the sunset, spending time with God, and just thinking. One of the things I have learned since I've been here is that life is always...life. I thought when I got here that my whole life would change and somehow I would feel different and it would be this huge exciting adventure consisting of going rock climbing and exploring everday. ha. Yeah, life is different for sure. I get up in a different room in a different house in a different city in a different province in a different country in a different continent in a different hemisphere every day.. I will be going to a different school.. I have a different family.. I'm speaking a different language.. I'm eating different food. Yeah, things are different, but life is still the same. G-d is still the same. I'm still the same person. I don't suddening feel different, and I definitely don't go rock climbing every day. For sure, this is a new chapter in my life, but I think I'm realizing that new chapters are only new circumstances or surroundings with a more mature and wise outlook than the last.

I've been reading Judges for a few days now, and realizing how incredibly gracious and just G-D really is. Ehud was one of the judges of Israel, and it says that during his lifetime, Israel generally did what was right in the eyes of the Lord, but sinned as all men will. They offered sacrifices for their sin, and were forgiven. But when Ehud died, they went back to their old ways of "grave evil" one commentary said, and did not ask forgiveness. So Yaweh sold them to King Jabin of Canaan, and they were under his oppression for 20 years. THEN,....."then?" I ask myself.... they cried out to the Lord for help. And he sent Deborah, another judge, to rescue the people.
So what I take from this is that
while Israel was following the laws Yaweh gave them, at least for the most part, and asking
forgiveness and making things right with their sacrifices when they did sin (price of sin is
death) then everything was good. But as soon as their sin stopped being covered and started
growing "grave" in the eyes of Yaweh, stuff turned to crap. hmmm...sounds just to me? And
even gracious, because they weren't dead. They endure their crappy life for 20 years until
they decide that maybe now would be a good time to ask for help, and Yaweh loves them so
much, he sends someone to rescue them. Even though they didn't ask for help for 20 years!
Viewed in the eyes of a romantic relationship--Your spouse cheats on you. More than
once. You forgive, but it keeps happening. And now they're not sorry. How bad would that
hurt? DIVORCE the man/woman!! Then after 20 years of unappologetic divorce, your
ex-spouse remembers how wonderful you were to them and wants you to dig them out of
their self-dug pit. Do you honestly think you would even think of considering helping them?
Heck NO!
...how good is Yaweh that he rescues us the minute we ask, and even longs for us to ask Him back and to rescue us?

Currently missing: my independence, being able to plan my own day, driving, going out, and Chiropractic!!

Sidenotes:
Rachel--I saw pink clouds tonight...thought of you! and people drive here like they do in mexico lol.

Momi called me "hija" today...that means daughter.... : )

Paul writing a letter to the Philippians:
"Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, let me say one more things as i close this letter. Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." Philippians 4:5-8
".... Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to get along happily whether I have much or little. i know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need."
Philippians 4:11-13