Rollercoaster

Talk about a roller coaster of emotions last weekend. I went from my highest point yet at the beginning of the weekend to my lowest point yet Sunday night.

It started Saturday. Something was different when I awoke. Things didn’t seem so foreign anymore, Spanish didn’t sound so different anymore, my family didn’t feel so distant and unattached anymore. I felt like I was---

Home.

The Ups (written Saturday)

Wow. Everything today has been surprisingly different and really fantastic. I hung out with Sebastian, and we spoke in Spanish...which I realized is the fastest way to learn, because if I screw up, he can explain it to me in English. He's also my human dictionary : ) We jogged a 'lil (because I'm seriously out of shape and not used to the altitude or hills) and started watching "Into the Wild"...which I LOVE. But I found that after hanging out with him, my Spanish was drastically improved. I could talk to my family and understand a lot more of what they were saying. Plus--momi was practically telling me to hang out and have fun today. I was like, "wha?" So I think I'm gaining some trust and respect!!
Tonight, we went to Abuelita's for some empanadas and cafe (pastries and coffee), and Emi and I were laughing pretty much the whole time. It was so great to connect with her. And then right before bed, I was asking if it was alright to volunteer after church tomorrow, and Momi said, "Oh si! No hay una problema. Esta bien!" Usually, I get a "well....let me ask popi." and then a "ok, I guess it's alright."

The Downs

So I started watching into the wild with Sebastian Saturday, but didn’t finish it until Sunday night. SO DEPRESSING!! I haven’t felt that bad after watching a movie since Tristan and Isolde. I think the overall feeling of sadness led me to dive into some deeper stuff I didn’t even know I was dealing with. I went to bed pretty much right after the movie, but couldn’t sleep. I was thinking about so much and ended up crying pretty heavily under the covers for a while, as to not wake the fam. I was thinking about how my host mom will randomly start crying when she looks at me because she misses her son, about being overwhelmed with the newness of everything and my Spanish, about how much I break the heart of my Savior everyday, about being so freaking bored sometimes… about missing my family and my sister, and my friends—and about how many things happen in a year and how long it really is.

I fell asleep eventually, though, and woke with a new frame of mind and then had a great day at school. So I think whatever I was dealing with that night worked itself out : )

"For He will conceal me there (His Temple) when troubles come; He will hide me in His sanctuary. He will place me out of reach on a high rock. Then I will hold my head high, above my enemies who surround me." Psalm 27:5-6

Since the weekend, things have been even more fantastic with Emi and things at school are going really great as well. It's not boring anymore!! Thursday, I met a girl who lives in my barrio (neighborhood) who's seriously cool and took me to see 'Made of Honor' at the theater. It was a blast! And a college exchange student from the States came with. We had coffee at a Micky D's afterwards, and it was by far the highest quality McDonald's I've ever been to. It was set up like a real coffee shop, with glass cups and couches!
Also, I decided I want to start traveling on the weekends, and I think I've gained enough trust with Madre now that it will be alright. We'll see!

Funny Moments

Haha! My English teacher found out I was American Monday. Here’s how it went.

“Okay class! Today I will check the materials. Come up to my desk and show me your books. First, Andrea Garces! …Good. Alejandra! … Good. Aidy Pancratz!?”

“It’s Heidi,” I said, and walked up to his desk. He may as well have fallen out of his chair. The look on his face was priceless.

“Oh my goodness! I didn’t know that you weren’t from here! What state do you come from?”

“Oklahoma,” I said.

“Oh class, we are blessed to have an American English speaker here. Are you here the whole year?”

“Yes.”

“Great! You can help me with my English! Promise?”

Then he held his hand up kind of like a high five, but kind of like a ‘boy scouts honor’ hand gesture. So, in context, I took it as a ‘boy scouts honor’ hand gesture, and therefore did the same. (Mind you, this is all in front of the class.) Well—it was supposed to be a high five. By the time I realized, my hand was back down and his was still hangin’, So I put my and back up to give him the high five, just as he was putting his down! It was extremely awkward. But we laughed it off. He asked my opinion on everything after that and had me writing on the board and pronouncing things. I think he asked the class to give me a round of applause 3 times. So embarrassing.

I think the question I get asked the most by the girls in school is if I have a boyfriend. It must be a big deal to have a boyfriend here…and they know how to say it in English : ) Even my teachers ask me!

Thoughts

I’m starting to realize I can’t live without Him. That my heart aches and my stomach hurts when I haven’t spent time with His or heard His voice. That things are not right in my world when I haven’t acknowledged Him. That I feel hollow and empty without His embrace and gentle nudges. That I truly LONG to praise and thank Him.

That all I want to do is

Bask in His beauty and serve Him.